Posting #2- Comments on Fan Rui's writing assignment 1 draft1

In the writer’s first paragraph, the effects on global warming are given in form of statistic number and he also discussed on some of the causes of global warming which leads to his viewpoint of how seriously we should treat this problem. The introduction was well written and the development of his viewpoint was clear but descriptions on global warming can be cut down. Furthermore, the writer never answered to the question given and the thesis statement was not stated in his introduction paragraph. He should write his thesis statement to answer back to the question in his first paragraph.

The writer stated one similarity and one difference on what developing and developed countries should do. The writer failed to discuss on the similarity that he brought up, he should give more description on how similar the developed and developing countries make their effort in getting Earth from being warmer. On the other hand, the writer gave better write-up on the difference; there were more discussions on it. To better his essay, more concrete examples should be given to show how difference both groups of countries do in tackling the problem.

The second part of question was left out in the essay, the writer never discuss on the factors that both groups of countries should consider before signing the treaty. Factors like economic and political can be used to answer the second part of the question.

In his conclusion, the writer re-stated his viewpoint and said that the treaty needs to be signed quickly. He should also summarized his whole essay and answered back to the question to make his essay more complete.

Shi Tien(Posting #2)